For those of you who like to know about people, here is a basic history of my life. It doesn’t provide much about who I am – that is better discerned from my blog posts, since they contain my thoughts, feelings and desires – but I thought this synopsis might offer context to my posts. In this history, I will make a point of mentioning key moments in the development of my interests and desires, because desires and passions are such an important part of a person’s soul (and personally, I love to learn about the desires and passions of other people too). I will also share a little about my parents, because all childhood caretakers play such a key role in the development of a person’s soul – positive aspects as well as injuries. Perhaps you will be able to see how some of my emotional qualities and challenges are influenced by my parents and early family life.
I was born in San Francisco, California, USA in December, 1964. I grew up with mom and dad and a sister who was 18 months older than me in Marin County, just north of the city. Initially we lived in a little house in Tiburon, and later, when I was in 3rd grade, we moved to a bigger house on about 2 acres in San Rafael, where my mom still lives.
My mom was educated as pre-school teacher who emigrated across the country from New Jersey to California. While we were growing up, she only worked part time, and later took a full time position in a nearby pre-school. She is a very social and friendly person and has an emotional nature, but was judged for her emotions by my dad. Her own childhood challenges and poor self-esteem caused her to put up with ongoing condescension from my dad and pander to his unloving behaviors and attitudes directed at all of us. She was moody, not truthful, and had anger issues that she took out on my sister and I.
My dad also came from the east coast, Virginia. He was a hydraulic engineer trained in the Merchant Marines, and grew a successful Hydraulic Services business across the bay (about 40 minutes from our home). He was friendly and sociable like my mom, and was a good self-taught acoustic guitar player. He was a hard worker, provided for us very well and was very dependable, but he was arrogant, superior, condescending, racists, sexist, and also had drinking, anger and control issues. He passed away in 2011 of congestive heart failure.
I was a shy and sensitive child, and as such, I was actually terrified of both my parents. I wet the bed throughout my childhood and into my teens. My mom tried to be kind about it (my dad didn’t even try), but underneath, I could feel the blame and judgement from both of them which caused me a great deal of shame and the tendency to feel defective and that I could never get things right.
When I was about 5 years old, I was taught how to play the piano. I enjoyed it at first, but when, after few years, the songs became more complicated, I got frustrated with my small hands, and decided to quit. I loved how music made me feel, and dabbled with various instruments throughout my life.
From a young age, I was a nature girl and loved to be outside. Our Tiburon home had a great creek and a big grassy hill just over its back fence, just for us to explore. And when we moved to our home in San Rafael, our back yard had its own hill and practically a forest to explore which I thoroughly enjoyed. It also had a swimming pool, which was lots of fun. We lived in an area where people were allowed to have horses, and like many young girls, I loved horses. When I was 9, my dreams came true and we were given a horse named Chico (the first of several horses over the years). Caring for and riding horses opened up whole new worlds for me. My sister and I were allowed to ride wherever we wanted as long as we were home by dark. I am so grateful to my parents for the gift of this freedom. It was one of my saving graces.
Both my sister and I became really good horse-women, competing and winning at a variety of events (which she is still doing to this day). We became quite involve in 4-H which fostered community involvement, team work, record keeping and leadership skills.
I did very well in school, pretty much getting straight A’s throughout. In Jr. High and high school, my sport was gymnastics. I was a decent gymnast, and it was good for me because it kept me strong, fit and flexible. When I wasn’t doing gymnastics, I was riding my horse(s).
My love for horses had me convinced that I would be a large animal vet when I grew up and since I did very well in school, I gained acceptance to the University of California at Davis, one of the top veterinary schools in the country. I started college as an animal science major, and kept up my good grades and even competed with the university equestrian team. One summer, I did an internship with a large animal vet, and actually didn’t like it at all. I got so irritated by the arrogant good ol’ boy attitude towards women that I decided to change my major to agricultural education. (I realize now that I was so repelled by the arrogant attitudes of the men in the large animal industry because they represented many of the painful emotions I experienced from my dad.) In the field of agricultural education, there were still some gender barriers, but I thoroughly enjoyed the program and graduated with honors, received a Bachelors of Science in Agricultural Education and went on to earn a post graduate teaching credential.
During my time at Davis, I became concerned about many aspects of commercial agriculture, and started to have reservations about actually becoming an ag teacher. I became more interest in plants, took a job as an assistant in the horticultural department during my last year of college, and after graduating chose a job working for a landscape company in the south bay area.
After a year in the the busy concrete jungle of the south bay, a friend and I decided to quit our jobs, purchase a Eurail pass and travel. We went to England, France, Germany, Belgium, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, Austria, the Netherlands, and Czechoslovakia. I then continued on to Australia and New Zealand by myself.
While hitchhiking throughout New Zealand, I was introduced to a program called WOOFa’s or Willing Workers on Organic Farms. I decided that I wanted to do an internship at a WOOFa farm, and when I got back to California, I found a Bio Dynamic farm in Covelo, California that specialized in using horse power instead of tractors. Cool! I lived there for almost a year, and had the amazing opportunity to be the teamster (drive the horses pulling farm equipment) and learn about Biodynamic farming and a program called Community Supported Agriculture (called CSA). It was a fantastic experience. I was then hooked on growing my own food in alignment with nature and living a simple life.
About this time (in my twenties), my dad bought me a beautiful Guild guitar for my birthday. I eagerly learned to play, and enjoyed learning and singing classic folk tunes. I love guitar, but I never really progressed at it since it didn’t feel like it was quite my instrument.
When the farm experience was finished, I moved to a beautiful place called Scott Valley, just north and west of Mount Shasta, California, where I had college friends and loved the valley and mountains surrounding it. I wanted to settle there and start my own CSA.
Coming to Scott Valley seemed to mark the beginning of what was to become one of my most important interests: spirituality. I learned to meditate, read lots of spiritual books, and made friends with other folks who were spiritually minded and met for spiritual support and group meditations.
The CSA didn’t happen in Scott Valley, but I managed to get a job right away working as an administrative assistant to a lovely woman who put on conferences for the California Department of Education. Her office was right in down town Etna (a small idyllic mountain town of only 750 people), and I found a great little house to rent a few blocks away.
A few years into this job, I joined up with a friend and his partner to start up a health food store in Etna called Great Scott Natural Foods. It was a good thing we did this, because the job with the Department of Education died due to lack of funding a year after the store got going–by then I was able to make a living from it. I loved co-owning the health food store. I met all kinds of health-conscious people, and learn a lot about herbs and alternative healing. In 1998, after four years of existence, the store burned down in a fire that took out several shops and apartments in town. Fortunately, we did have insurance.
My home in Etna was a sweet little house on 3/4 of an acre that I originally rented but later purchased. When not working, I went for walks, meditated, grew an abundant garden, played the guitar on occasion, had a few relationships (one to a Native American man who introduced me to their ways) and started learning about Permaculture—the efficient and sustainable system of food production and ecological living. I took a Permaculture Design Certification course at the Lost Valley Permaculture Institute in Oregon, gained the consultant certification, and started applying what I learned to where I lived.
I was content, but felt I needed more stimulation spiritually and socially, so I moved to Mount Shasta for a few years and explored a smorgasbord of spiritual teachings. At this time, I also became interested in massage therapy and went to school at Heartwood Institute to become a deep tissue massage therapist. I worked in a doctor’s office and at home, and it was through my massage work that I met the man I later married.
My future husband and I moved back to my house in Etna (which I had rented out while in Mt. Shasta) and lived there for the duration of our relationship and were married in 2007. It was an intense and stressful relationship, but one gift I gained from it was a renewed appreciation for music. My husband was Scottish; he introduced me to some wonderful Celtic music, taught me how to play the tin whistle and the bodhrán (the Celtic drum), and most of all, stirred my passion for the fiddle.
In 2009, we were introduced to Divine Truth (see About God’s Way) through some friends with whom we had explored The Way of Mastery (another spiritual path claiming to be based on Jesus’s teachings). I watched an introductory video about Divine Truth (the original Secrets of the Universe) and my little heart leapt for joy. I had found what I had been looking for spiritually – finally something that made sense and was completely and consistently loving!
My husband and I soon parted ways as it became apparent that I was very keen on Divine Truth and he, on the other hand, decided the emotional part of it was somehow dangerous and eventually became quite adverse to it, even convincing my family to instigate an intervention to “save” me from what they decided, without basis, to be a cult. This one event, the “intervention,” and all the assumptions, deceit and lies involved in it essentially destroyed our family relationships. I keep in mind that what is loving will always remain, and what is not will be destroyed. I love both my parents as well as my ex husband, but their intentions and actions towards me were very damaging. I learned some information about cults in that event which solidified my knowledge that Divine Truth is not a cult, whereas than the Catholic Church I was raised in, and even the average family, for example, are. I also learned that I have the choice and the duty to my soul to surround myself with people who support my growth in love. My husband and I divorced, my dad died a year after the intervention, and I have had to restrict my interactions with my mom and sister out of respect for myself.
When the paperwork for my divorce was complete, I decided to go to Australia and meet the man and woman claiming to be Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I lived in a town near them for two years and had the wonderful opportunity to meet and spend time with them, attend a number of events and recorded seminars, and get to know other people keen on Divine Truth. I also had time to explore some of my musical desires, so I purchased a fiddle and taught myself how to play. I had finally found my instrument!
I also took action on another desire I had for years: I had been fascinated with Earthships, self-sustaining, natural buildings that make use of consumer waste like old tires, glass bottles and aluminum cans. I loved the idea of joining a team to build one, so when I was in Australia, I put myself on a mailing list of people interested in Earthships in Australia, and sure enough was contacted and accepted to join a team to build the first earthship in Australia. I made two documentaries of my experience: Australia’s First Earthship – Part 1 and Part 2.
I love Australia and loved my new friends. I was kind of hoping massive earth-change events would happen and somehow miraculously allow me to stay there. No such luck. My visitor visa was running out, and because it disallowed me to work, staying there was not really an option. Plus, I felt that my soulmate was back in the states, and I was feeling pulled to go back. I returned to California in 2013.
I lived for then next two years in the Santa Rosa area (Geyserville and Sebastopol specifically) while I explored a relationship with a man I knew from childhood. During this time, I discovered an interest in weaving. For a long time, I had been keen on natural fabrics, and loved the look of handwoven creations. I took classes at a local art center and loved it. I later purchased a floor loom that I brought with me to Arizona (For more on this, see Weaving Desires, Creativity And Self-Expressions). Also while in the Santa Rosa area, I had the great opportunity to play my fiddle in a folk band – it was a blast! But, my time in California was coming to a close. The relationship I was in came to an end, and I started feeling the urge to leave California. I lived for a short while in an intentional community in Geyserville (A Year of Truth And Following Desires) while I figured out what I wanted to do. I had been having repeated dreams indicating that vacating California would be a good idea. I started praying for guidance. I was still craving my soulmate, wide-open spaces, and a simple permaculture-based lifestyle where I could continue exploring Divine Truth and the healing and growing of my soul that it encouraged.
When I saw some literature about northeast Arizona, I felt a resonance. I loved the simple, rugged beauty, and acreage was very affordable—an essential factor because I didn’t have much money. I didn’t know anyone in Arizona, but it felt right, so I packed up my belongings into a 4’x8′ crate (called a U-box), shipped it to the nearby town of Snowflake, found a place on Craigslist to rent, and drove out there to look at property.
There were all kinds of properties for sale, and I ultimately found one that felt just right. It had good “bone structure” (just the right gentle slope and south east orientation I wanted), a view of the distant White Mountains, no visible neighbors, not too far from town (about ten miles) and a unique rugged beauty. It was also quite damaged, neglected, dry, limited in diversity, and even plagued with garbage, but I couldn’t help imagining us both healing and eventually thriving as I grew my soul towards God and Love.
What sealed the deal was that this property had a partially completed straw-bale hogan* on it that, although in a rough and damaged state, was livable. I had been prepared to live in a temporary structure until I could afford a proper house, so the hogan, although rough, was a nice asset. The property also had a well, a few solar panels, and a seller willing to work with me! Clearly God and my soul were in harmony here.
As you will read in my blog, I have had to confront all kinds of physical and emotional challenges here in my healing place, but all of them have given me opportunities to feel and heal my soul. Actively seeking a relationship with God and feeling emotions are the two fundamentals of healing God’s Way. It is far more difficult and confronting than I imagined, but when I look back on each year I am here, I can see and feel change happening.
Now that I am settled into my new home, I have been able to explore my other passions: gardening, permaculture, land restoration, nature, vegan foods, sourdough bread baking, weaving, playing my fiddle, hiking, natural building, writing, mediumship, and whatever else inspires me.
The one thing that is missing is my soulmate. I feel that he is here on earth and that I have not met him yet. When we have a lot of damage and emotional errors in our souls, like I do, about the opposite sex (when one is heterosexual), we will actually repel our soulmates. I am asking God to help me clear those issues, so I can start to attract my guy and experience my soulmate relationship as God designed.
Here are some resources about soulmates:
I hope this history gives some context to my blog entries. And I hope through my blog, through my unique journey towards soul-discovery, truth, love, and God, that you gain appreciation for the many gifts that our Creator and Divine Truth have to offer. I sincerely feel Divine Truth is the single most important thing a human being can learn about. It is not easy, but I would much rather get this healing done now and have abundant joy in my life as soon as possible rather than wait until I get to the spirit world. Perhaps you, too, will be inspired to explore Divine Truth, a relationship with God, your own soul, and all they have to offer.
*A hogan is an eight-sided dwelling, traditional to the native people of this land, the Navajo, the Apache and the Zuni. My home has a hogan heart with wings (I love the symbol of that).