In my last post, I wrote about my departure from Arizona and my landing, after 1700 miles, in North Carolina. The worst of that adventure was traversing the gauntlet of the “Tail of the Dragon,” which, if you are coming from the West, presents itself like some kind of an initiation if you want to live in North Carolina, an initiation to prove you can handle what is yet to come, starting with the physical challenge of the curvy, steep, and narrow roads that are common to this area. I managed to pass that part of the test but didn’t realize at the time that this was a foreshadow of other kinds of challenges yet to come. Facing and feeling my terrors was going to be a regular theme in the coming months.
This move to North Carolina began with the idea that a Divine Truth learning center could possibly be developed in this area. That idea also stirred up a feeling that moving to southern Appalachia was an opportunity to learn to rely less on myself and more on God. Making the move and establishing myself here has not been easy. I have had lots of terror come up, but, with ongoing prayers to God for courage, I am determined to move through whatever comes my way, which, I feel, is helping me to grow my soul. In the process, I am discovering truths about my soul, both in damage and in what seems like my true nature. And it is quite fascinating. I am getting more sensitive to my errors, and engaging them feels increasingly terrible, which motivates me even more. It helps, I think, that I am spending more time praying and feeling.
But back to my landing… Once I made it through the gauntlet of Hwy 129 across the western border of North Carolina, I drove east to the closest town on my Google Map possibility list. It was a small community called, Stecoah, which had made my list because of a lovely community Arts Center. But once I got there, I felt way too closed in. It was a smaller community than I wanted and definitely not my place. I proceeded to the next town on my list, Bryson City. I had read a lot about this town, and it had impressive reviews, but once I got there and walked around a bit, it didn’t feel right. It felt too touristy for me, kind of glittery and missing something solid I couldn’t quite name. By then it was late afternoon, so I figured I had better solidify my arrangements for the night. Days before, I had made inquiries about accommodations nearby for the night through BeWelcome and Couchsurfing apps, but no one responded. So I decided to head to the next town on my list along the way, Franklin, where there were some affordable AirBnB options and was able to book a room in a house.
As I drove through town on my way there, I immediately felt that this could be a good place for me. I liked the look and feel of it. It seemed more open and spacious than the previous towns, seemed about the right size, not too crowded, not fancy, with beautiful mountains all around, and after looking up some details, I could see it had all the amenities I would want in a town (where I wouldn’t have to drive to some neighboring town to get everything I need.) I noticed lots of small businesses, particularly in the trades. There was even a roadside plaque that declared it an “entrepreneurial” town. Cool. Downtown was a bit odd in that it was on the crest of a hill, but I suppose it would never have to worry about being flooded like Bryson City and several of the other towns further north did during hurricane Helene. In fact, according to folks here, Franklin had almost no serious damage from hurricane Helene.
The owner of the home where I rented a room was a lovely young man who worked in a book store in Sylva, a smaller town just over the hill to the east. I asked him if he could recommend any good auto mechanics, since the noise in my truck (an incessant wa wa wa that sounded like suspension issues) was getting louder. I decided I would spend a few days in Franklin to get my truck attended to. He recommended several mechanics and, sure enough, I found that there were many in town with excellent ratings (which I felt was a good sign). The first one I called was able to schedule me for the next day. Since I was going to be spending at least a whole day in town, I figured I might as well see what the real estate market had to offer. The bookstore man I was staying with suggested I talk to an agent named Kristie Brennan. Sure enough, she was available that next day and was able to pick me up from the auto shop while my truck was being worked on.
Kristie took me to her office as we talked about what I wanted and how much I had to spend. I already knew from looking at Zillow that it would be tricky to find something in my price range that wasn’t a modular home, along a noisy road, or in a flood zone. I had already been feeling that I was going to be in a more traditional house, and I was ok with that. Off-grid and natural homes in this part of southern Appalachia were almost unheard of. Asheville, North Carolina, which is about an hour and a half away is much more eco-groovy but quite New Age-y and crowded. All I know is that I did not feel drawn there.
As Kristie and I sat in her office talking and looking at the few (rather disappointing) listed properties I could afford, a new home listing popped up on the screen, which we both immediately gave our attention to. “We need to go look at this, like now,” she said.It was in my price range, nice looking in a basic way, in a quiet area, and claimed to be on an acre of “level” land (which I found out later is not the same definition of “level” that folks outside Appalachia adhere to). I had nothing better to do for the day, so I thought, sure, let’s have a look.
She got the key code, and off we went. I was happy to see that we were driving out of town and that we passed a farm stand and corn fields along the way. Arriving at the house, it looked decent but was definitely on a slope rather than “level” as the listing said. Some neighboring dogs briefly barked when we got out of the car, but otherwise it was quiet. It was a traditionally built block foundation and stick frame with two levels, metal roof with gutters, and a fireplace. Walking inside, I was taken back to the 1980’s, complete with formica countertops, vinyl floors, well worn orange/brown carpets, popcorn ceilings, wood paneling, and very inefficient baseboard heating. And there were a few issues that we could see regarding the safety of the porch and adjoining steps. If I wanted to really make it mine, I would need to put in a fair bit of effort and money, not to mention what might come up in a house inspection. The structure seemed solid, the layout was reasonable, and it had a basement that, with a bit of work, could actually be a second livable space. There was no garden or fruit trees, but it was surrounded on three sides by a good variety of native trees, including black walnut and oak. Hmm. It was ok, but I wasn’t too impressed. We left and drove around to a few other properties on her list that I could afford. Those properties were definite no’s to me.
Kristie, of course, was very encouraging about the house and how rare it was for something like this to pop up. She suggested that, if I was serious about buying something here this decent in my price range, I would need to put in an offer immediately, and for the full listed amount. I wasn’t sure… was I serious? Although her sentiments could have been a typical real estate line, she felt genuine to me in her assessment. I could see for myself that there were not many decent homes in my price range. But I didn’t want to be influenced by any possible pressure, so I said I would go back to my accommodation and consider it (in my own quiet prayer time). She dropped me off at my lodging (since my truck was not ready yet) and I went into my room to ask God and my guides for guidance. The feeling I immediately got from them was, Its just a house. It’s not a big deal. It is not what you might want right now, but that is not a statement about you, and you can trust God. It will work out and be good for you. I was hoping for more of a response, like, take your time, look around at more places, be patient and keep envisioning what you want (a very New Age-y approach). No such luck. Their actual response encouraged me to take action—immediate action—and have faith. Yikes! Now, this idea that began with, let’s just have look around, became much more serious. Terror kicked in. I had a good cry. I prayed for more clarity (in other words, guidance that wouldn’t require so much faith). But I could feel their solidity, their certainty that God was offering exactly what would be good for me. And I did feel an affinity for Franklin. Sure, I could rent something for a while and drive around the greater area to see if I could find something I liked better, but I didn’t really want to do that. I don’t like moving or shopping around. It is a pain. But more than that, I felt that I was being asked to have faith, faith that, because my desire is for God and love, that no matter where I find myself at this time, God will make sure I get the opportunities I need to feel. And this location would be perfect for that.
This very sudden acceleration was just like what happened when I decided to sell my place in Arizona. As soon as I clarified my desire, things happened so fast that terror was my most present emotion. I was being lovingly pushed out of the nest of comfort. I was being asked to let go of control and put my trust in God. Sure, I could fight it. I could insist on asserting my desire to control, but I was starting to recognize that God does things immediately once my desire aligns with God’s desire for me. God does not waste time.
I called Kristie back that late afternoon. “Let’s do it,” I said. We put in a full price offer that evening. She said they already had one other offer, so I thought maybe they would appreciate my offer if I was willing to not only take the property as is at full price, but take it with all the funky (mostly cheap) furniture and furnishings it contained. I would make it easy for them, and, since I had brought almost no furniture, it suited me as well to have at least some useful items. We sent off all the documents, and, by the next morning, they had accepted my offer. Kristie asked, “How does it feel?” I replied, “I am terrified!” I couldn’t help but start sobbing right there on the phone with her. She very kindly asked if I wanted to go look at it again. We did, and this time, I felt more humble about the place. Instead of scrunching my nose at its 80’s decor, I let myself imagine what I could do with it if I became financially able to do so. Or, maybe I would do nothing with it and let it be a temporary home. Time would tell. Meanwhile, it was just a house, which happened to have a really beautiful view of the mountains from the back porch, its own well, a metal roof that lended itself for collecting water passively, and an acre of gently sloping land which could become a future garden.
I entered a three week escrow, during which time I had the opportunity, for which I was so grateful, to stay with and get to know my then new acquaintance and now dear friend Patty in Chapel Hill, NC, which was about a 4 ½ hour drive east to the flatter part of the state. I really enjoyed my time with Patty and felt myself adjusting to the reality of this beautiful and diverse east coast state becoming my new home.
During the escrow period, I had an inspection done on which revealed some necessary repairs, a break in the septic system that the previous owners agreed to compensate me for, and a chimney problem they would not. Nor would they compensate for the rotten steps to the porch or the illegal (and unsafe) railing because those issues were visible beforehand. During the negotiations, these issues gave me an out if I wanted it, but, by now, I was getting used to the idea of this being my new home, even if I could only afford to address absolutely essential repairs for a while, such as replacing screws on the roof that were popping out and treating exterior mold and mildew issues.
Once the escrow period finished, I prepared to head back to Franklin, to sign papers for my new home, but since it is a long drive and I wanted to have a look at Asheville anyway, I decided to stay there for a night. I was able to book a room with a generous individual who offered free accommodation through an app called Couchsurfing. We confirmed the details, and off to Asheville I went. When I got there, however, no one answered the door. I felt strangely out of sorts which I attributed to the long drive, so I went for a walk. When I came back to his house, there were three young men slowly walking by who seemed to be of the neighborhood, so I asked if they knew the man who lived in this house. They looked at me as if to assess me and said, “He took his own life this morning.” They had just returned from a gathering on his behalf.
To hear this, of course, was shocking and sad. I felt so much compassion for the man and his friends. The reality of the situation also offered immediate insight into what I was feeling upon my arrival at his house. I was feeling his spirit and all the terror he was feeling as a result of his new reality.
I explained to his friends who I was, just a person who the man had offered accommodation to. His friends expressed that such a kindness was typical of their friend, and I could feel them soften to me. I shared with them that I had felt his spirit and that I had some information about the spirit world that I was confident would help him and that I would talk to him. Two of them were open to what I was saying, so I shared some basic things I would tell their friend. I explained that we mortals have huge misconceptions about suicide and the spirit world in general, and the reality can be very distressing to spirits. I was so glad they desired to hear some basic truths about the spirit world and asked if any of them would like to listen in on what I would say to their friend. None of them wanted to, but they felt genuinely grateful that I cared enough to help their friend.
People suicide to seek relief from emotional pain, but, as they soon find out, that relief does not come. Suicide makes emotional pain worse. The only way any of us (mortal or spirit) can ease and eliminate our emotional pain is by feeling our way through it—responsibly and privately. There is simply no other way. Those of us learning God’s Way are learning that God can help us greatly in this process. We are learning that, with a sincere and repentant heart, we can long for and receive God’s personal Divine Love, and that Love will remove the original causes of the errors in us that are the root of our pain. The removal process still requires us to feel the emotional pain that is ours as it comes out, but as that happens, we gain two of the greatest gifts a soul can receive, a growing relationship with God and an ever-growing abundance of God’s personal Divine Love. This path, God’s Way, is the journey known as the New Birth that Jesus discovered and taught 2000 years ago. It is the only way to the Celestial Heavens, the only way to become an Angel and live the most joy-filled life possible. It is my hope that this information get shared with as many people as possible, and spirits are often easier to share it with because they tend to be in a much more receptive emotional state since they have already discovered that many of the things they learned on Earth are simply not true.
Fortunately, from having participated in a Divine Truth-based mediumship group, I learned how to help uninformed spirits by inviting bright spirits (who are bright because they have much more love in their souls) to offer love, education, and guidance to those who desire their assistance. In this case with the young man who suicided, after his friends left (his physical friends, that is), I sat in my truck and invited the man and whomever else was around to have a listen. I told them I was going to invite some spirits who are much brighter than we are, why they are bright, why they were the best people to ask for help, and how to invite them.
As I talked them through the connection with the loving spirits, I could clearly feel the bright ones arrive and the distressed spirits slowly shift from anger to grief as the love and truth were shared with them. It was a wonderful experience. I felt so honored to have been offered this opportunity to help them.
It struck me that this man was known for his generosity and kindness to others, and here I was at just the right time and place to offer what he needed at this critical time in his existence. God would not interfere with a person determined to kill themselves, but I feel that, because of this man’s generous past, God and the laws of love made sure that the man received what he needed most right now—truth.
The next morning, before I continued my journey to Franklin, I felt another group of distressed spirits come to me, the other spirits telling their friends, perhaps, so I went through the process of connection with the bright spirits with them too. Although these kinds of spirits feel pretty bad when they come around, I understood what was going on and I was happy to have been able to help this group too. My drive to Franklin now had a new feeling to it, a confirmation that my choice to move to North Carolina to best serve God, my soul, other souls, Divine Truth, and the natural world was a good choice and that some very unexpected opportunities were coming as a result. I would soon discover that this theme of helping spirits would continue and become a regular part of my life in Franklin. Spirits tend to be more open to assistance and truth than mortals because spirits have already realized that their cherished Earthly (false) beliefs don’t pan out in the spirit world, whereas what is true can be seen and proven to them quite easily by the bright, loving spirits, once the bright ones are invited.
When I got to my new town, I signed the final paperwork, received the set of keys, and eagerly drove out to my new home to spend my first night. It all felt very surreal. But, as night time arrived, my cloud-nine state—wow, I just bought a house!—dropped to the ground very quickly. Those neighboring dogs that barked briefly when I first looked at the house? Well, they ended up barking incessantly at all hours of the day and night. The day time was bad enough—so much for a home of peace and quiet—but the night time was unbearable. Every night, often several times a night, the dogs erupted in howling and barking frenzies. I couldn’t believe it. What have I gotten myself into?
After a few nights of this and talking to other neighbors, I realized this was an ongoing reality of the neighborhood. The dog owners never brought their dogs inside (there were four dogs), and the other neighbors just got used to the barking. I was, however, the closest neighbor, and the barking was driving me nuts and severely disrupting my sleep. At first, I tried all my usual ways of addressing issues. I twice went and spoke to the dog owners. Their response was completely without sympathy, “Well, of course they bark, they’re dogs.” So I went to the county website to look up animal abuse and nuisance laws to see if there was anything I could do. I spoke to the appropriate county commissioner and the animal control officer, the latter of which offered to go there and check to make sure the dogs were not being abused or neglected. I realized this might exacerbate the stress between me and my neighbor, but I did want to know that the dogs were not obviously being abused. I was hoping the officer would sneakily go during the day when the folks were not home, but they went in the evening, when they were all there. The dogs had their required shelter and water and were not starving, so they were not considered abused or neglected, despite the fact that, as I learned later, these dogs were never allowed out of their 10′ by 10′ cage. We humans have very warped definitions of abuse. No wonder they barked. But, as you can imagine, the officer’s arrival on the property did not go over well. The next time I saw the owners (as I was on a walk down the road) they told me to go to hell.
Even with the use of earplugs, I became a wreck from the situation and lack of sleep. I could see that my way was not working. OK, God. What do I do? I had already been crying over the situation, thinking I was being humble to the emotions, but not in a truly surrendered way. I was crying because I was so miserable and lacking sleep, from a place of it shouldn’t be like this! But what I needed to do was shift my perspective to OK, God, please show me what I need to feel to shift this. What emotions are inside me that required a situation this terrible? Even though my faith in God’s Way was flimsy, I decided to put my faith there anyway. I decided to spend the entire night, every night, praying and feeling emotions in as self-responsible a way as possible until the situation changed. I had to let go of my belief that a certain number of hours of sleep was essential and accept that a little sleep deprivation would be a small sacrifice for releasing the emotions causing this. (A side note… I realized afterward that I didn’t need as much sleep as I thought I did).
With this shift in attitude plus hours and hours of nighttime praying and feeling terrifying emotions—mostly of how people don’t care about me or God’s other creatures and feeling powerless to do anything about it—it took about a week. One morning, I noticed, Gee, the dogs were actually quiet last night. A few days later, I realized, Wait, no, they’re GONE. I was astounded. The neighbors had gotten rid of all four dogs. It worked!
When I was a child, I was constantly bothered by the television being right on the other side of my bedroom wall. I would regularly get up and ask my dad (since he ruled the family) if he would please turn down the volume of the TV. Sometimes he would, though always with irritation, to where it was just tolerable to me. But other times he would angrily and condescendingly bark, “just go to bed.” I often look back on this ongoing issue and realize how easy it would have been to come up with a solution that would have been acceptable to all of us, if there was a desire to do so. But being just a little kid, I didn’t feel that I had any choice but to obey. All that grief and frustration had been building up in my soul. The key to this event with the dogs seemed to be to feel those emotions, and it was excruciating.
Around this same time, I had listened to a talk Jesus gave where he mentioned that one of the problems we have in working through emotions is that we think we are being “loving” to ourselves by changing or attempting to avoid external situations, instead of just feeling how terrible the emotion is within us. The timing of this reminder was perfect and is what I eventually did (once it was clear that my way wasn’t working). It was terrible. But it helped me grow faith in God’s system, how the soul works, that I can handle (what felt like) extreme emotional pain, and that God is bringing me events to help me, not torture me. I would be drawing upon this fragile yet slowly growing faith in the coming months. I had already been shown how quickly things can change in a positive direction once I put love and God as priority.
Moving here was definitely the opening of a new chapter in my life. It reminds me of the chapter that began when I sold the majority of my belongings and my house in Etna, California, and moved to Australia in 2011-2013. Next was the chapter of living off-grid in Arizona, where I learned more about natural building and growing my own food in a harsh environment. That chapter, I would summarize as one of exploring the inefficient but all-too-popular scheme of self-reliance. Perhaps, now, I am ready to explore God-reliance, which is the focus we need for our most expansive happiness. I notice that, in moving to Franklin, I need to count on God now more than ever. I arrived here with good health and just enough money to afford a simple home (which are huge blessings) but very little else. I didn’t have real happiness, a relationship, many friends, family, a job, or a savings account to make things easier and more enjoyable here. I think this is good, though, in the sense that those things can convince us to avoid change and the emotions that can be stirred up when we are faced with it. Would I have made this move if I had those things that often keep us comfortable but stuck? I don’t know, but I think this is a great way (and even feels orchestrated sometimes) for me to feel about the lack of those things and turn to God to help me move through the emotions I have stored inside that prevent me from thriving. If I can make the best of this opportunity, perhaps I really can help in the unfolding of Divine Truth on this planet. I feel inspired when I think this way, like, despite all the error in and around me, there is an underlying and loving agenda behind each challenge I face. Keep praying and feeling, Jen. This focus—developing a relationship with God and growing in love—is the most important thing.
When I am in one of these hopeful moments (which show up most after feeling through a wave of deep sadness), I feel not only growing faith in God, but also growing faith in the returned Jesus and Mary as God’s true teachers of Divine Truth on this planet and the process of God’s Way, that I am attempting to follow. As tough as it is for me at the moment, I still feel tremendous gratitude for this information and the love and steadfastness of Jesus and Mary as they teach us and show us how to love.
Folks here are always asking, “Why did you move to Franklin?” I cannot answer that question without mentioning Jesus and Mary and that they felt southern Appalachia was one of the few places in the USA that they would consider for the site of a future Divine Truth learning center. Although everything about the United States is shaky these days, the choice to be in a location that may possibly house a future learning center, where I might be able to help in its creation and have more opportunities to interact with Jesus and Mary and other folks dedicated to learning God’s Way, is a no-brainer for me. Nothing excites me more than Divine Truth and the possibilities it offers.
By sharing with folks here about Jesus and Mary, they find out very quickly that I am an odd one, which is a reality I am getting used to. Endeavoring to walk this rather lonely narrow road of God’s Way reminds me of one of my earliest spiritual influencers, Leo Buscaglia, who taught a course on “Love” at USC (University of Southern California) and wrote a book of the same name that I read back in the 1980’s. He shared a perspective that stuck with me all these years which was, there is so much freedom in being considered “crazy.” He came from an Italian immigrant family who were very demonstrative of being real and feeling emotions, which surely had something to do with that label as well as why I was so drawn to him. As I heal my soul, I notice that I am free-er with my emotions and being myself and less concerned about what people think of me, however, I still feel that I have a long ways to go before I really feel free. All too often, I feel the well-ingrained addiction to not be myself, to present a facade in an attempt to avoid terrifying emotions. This sin leaves me open to oppression and control by spirits which enforces feelings of being imprisoned (which I need to feel) and distant from my true self (which I also need to grieve). I so look forward to the day when I am truly free and fully myself.
But, back to the story at hand. Within a few months of my arrival in Franklin, it seemed that God arranged for the immediate safety issues of my new house (my rotten porch steps and unsafe railing) to be fixed at no cost. What a surprising gift. Apparently, I qualified, due to my non-existent income and empty bank account, for a program run by the housing authority in partnership with a local Baptist church, where a group of teenagers came with a professional carpenter to learned how to do simple projects that would help folks like me. They rebuilt my porch railing and steps! We even had some interesting conversations about God during break times.
Also through the housing authority, I qualified for the installment of an efficient mini-split heating system, since baseboard heating systems were so inefficient and outdated that they don’t even count as a heating source. And without a working fireplace (I ended up having to put a tarp over my inoperable chimney), I was bumped to the top of the list. I was next in line for a heating system when President Trump decided to remove all funding for housing projects. I wasn’t surprised. No mini-split system after all. Fortunately, I had brought a portable electric oil-filled heater with me from Arizona, so I use that and bought a second one which are what I have been using this winter. So far, we only had four really cold spells, and I have been blessed to have had power during them, but, if it goes out for more than a few hours, I may have to quickly drain my pipes and abandon my house and stay with a friend (who has offered). Meanwhile, I wear hats and jackets in the house as needed. I have to admit, I like not having to take constant care of a wood stove, like I did in Arizona, but, if I lose electric power, I am stuffed, since I would risk freezing my pipes. Not a smart situation. This house was designed as a summer home and the inefficient 1980’s fireplace here was put in for those rare chilly summer nights, not year-round living. When I have the funds, I would like to install a chimney liner and a proper wood stove for back up.
Speaking about money… I am still too young for retirement and I have no more savings, so, given my current inability to manifest money in other ways, I knew I would need to find a job once I got here. The first job I applied for was with the local supermarket. But, instead of offering me a job stocking the fruits and veggies in the produce department, which I would have enjoyed and thought I was interviewing for, they offered me a job cutting up fruit to put in plastic containers for customers who insist on this kind of “convenience.” Those of you who know me, know that I am against the use of plastic and avoid it whenever possible. I made a promise to myself that I would not do a job that I did not believe in. I declined the job offer and kept looking. Franklin is not a bustling town, so the job market is limited, and with my determination to find a job that I can believe in, my options became even more narrow.
With God’s and my guides’ help, I found an ad for a part time driver for the Macon County Transit system. At first, I overlooked it. I have never done anything like that before, but I believe in public transportation, had over 40 years of a perfect driving record, and I knew how to handle larger vehicles from my time hauling horses years ago. The hours required for the job were ideal, from 11am to 4pm four days a week with weekends free. The pay was reasonable for this area, and I would have my morning (and often middle of the night) prayer time and not have to worry about getting up before the sun. The feeling I got from guidance was that it would be a good, honest job, challenging, but good for me.
When I went for the interview, I realized that the fact that I am healthy and do not drink, smoke, or imbibe in any mind or body-altering substances made me uniquely qualified. The county has a no-tolerance policy on drugs and alcohol in their drivers, and, considering how many people take CBD (Cannabidiol, a marijuana product) and other substances these days, people like me were apparently hard to find. Even with no experience, I was offered the job. Of course there was plenty of training first, but they were happy with my performance. I feel that this job opportunity was arranged by God and my guides (in conjunction with my soul), because I could not have foreseen how well it would ultimately suit me but also expose some very painful places along the way.
Making mistakes (and the fear of making them) brings up a lot of emotions for me, and this job offers plenty of opportunities to make mistakes, particularly when a person is first learning. There is a list of things to remember at each stop, constant monitoring of driving speed and time, and new situations to face each day with the customers we serve. Early on, I made lots of mistakes. Fortunately, they were mistakes that didn’t harm people or equipment, but I still got distressed because my mistakes could have caused harm or made extra work for others. To add to the stress, I could tell that my boss didn’t like me. He later confirmed that he felt I asked too many questions that he thought were irrelevant. From my perspective, I was attempting to reconcile communication and instruction discrepancies I was getting from his boss and the other drivers. I was trying to get the facts straight (key to avoiding painful emotions), but I can see how my addiction-based demand played into our exchanges. At some point, I was able to recognize that the stress I was feeling with him was very similar to stress I had with my dad, which helped me to access, feel, and release some very painful childhood emotions. For the first few months, I would arrive at work terrified. I could tell there were spirits also wanting me to give up. But, for a change, I was getting the hang of feeling instead of avoiding. I prayed/cried myself to sleep regularly, and woke up early in the morning and prayed and grieved some more. I was amazed at how much terror was in me.
About the time I started getting used to the job, feeling less terrified, and liking it more, an incident occurred where I came around a blind curve upon a bus headed in the opposite direction that was stopped with a police car behind it with its flashing lights on. I had just a few seconds to figure out what was going on as I approached the scene. Unfortunately, I kind of froze up when I realized I didn’t know how to respond and did what so many of us do when we are unsure… I did what the driver in front of me did (to drive slowly by) which turned out to be a mistake. I wasn’t surprised to watch a second patrol car suddenly pull out, lights flashing, to immediately pull over the car in front of me. Naturally, he also saw me make the same mistake, and since I was driving the county bus, he knew just where to find me—back at the Transit base when my route was over.
What an amazing incident that was for bringing up emotions. It seemed perfectly orchestrated. Firstly, all kinds of terror come up for not knowing the law and getting the citation. I couldn’t help but notice a lesson for me about God’s laws as well and how I am required to know and obey them without exceptions or excuses. Furthermore, when I got back to the transit base, I got to feel emotions around being suddenly surrounded by individuals who revel in their power, control, and condescending attitudes towards violators of the law. I thought for sure I would lose my job as well, since I was still in the trainee probation period, but I suspect my bosses may have bent the rules to keep me on, that is, as long as I have no more incidents through May 1st. The law required me to go to court (more opportunities to feel), pay a fine, and have points against my drivers license, which likely means increased insurance costs for me. (Any violations while employed by the county are attributed to our personal license and are our responsibility).
Just as I was recovering from that incident, the next one occurred. Apparently, I was on the fast track to discovering and (hopefully) working through emotions! In November, my bosses decided to install an AI (Artificial Intelligence) system to monitor all drivers. It was a disaster. At least it was for the first two weeks where they tried to work out the bugs in the system. During that time, the system loudly beeped its discontent at us every time we breathed, so it seemed. The buses already had cameras in them, in case there is an incident. But the AI system meant that any time it believed we made the slightest driver error, even when we didn’t (like when it would beep every time we changed lanes), it beeped and displaying an error code to us and to our bosses. This was very distressing to all of us, especially when the beeps made no sense.
But here, again, was an opportunity to feel emotions that have been stuck in me for a long time, such as ongoing criticism and desire for power and control by those in charge.
Eventually, my bosses were able to turn off the beeps entirely. And I haven’t heard of any drivers being called out for too many AI violations. Even better, I think I am working through emotions, because I am feeling much more at peace with my bosses and happier both in the job and in general and more loved and cared for by God.
Although it seems that life here has been one challenge after another, I did get to enjoy the main reason I moved out here… to be closer to where Jesus and Mary are likely to be visiting. In August, I drove 5 hours out the Chapel Hill, NC, where Jesus and Mary presented for three days and hosted an additional hands-on humility-in-practice day. It was wonderful. They had some time after the events to explore some of western North Carolina, so they made a brief stop to visit me in my new Franklin home. I don’t know what they thought of Franklin or the other places in western North Carolina they visited, but I felt honored that they spent some personal time with me.
Jesus had shared recently the idea that sharing Divine Truth is like sowing seeds. Being the gardener that I am, I like that. Sowing seeds requires some action on our part, but we are also handing the outcome of that seed over to God, Who can do all kinds of things with that seed and what grows from it. We may not have much say or influence over the quality of ground that a seed lands on or its outcome, but we can do our best to sow good seeds in the appropriate season, and be generous with them. How interesting it would be to be able to follow the life of a seed we sow. What may seem like a failure initially may end up with some abundant fruit one day.
One particular seed that Mary and Jesus sowed this summer has been very helpful to me. Mary channeled a spirit named Anton who had been listening to their talks in England but hadn’t been able to receive God’s Divine Love. This channeling was pivotal for me because, in it, Jesus coached Anton to feel for God’s loving kindness, which Anton was able to do. And in doing so, Jesus said Anton had received some of God’s Divine Love. I tried this, to feel for God’s loving kindness, and I, too, was able to feel something. I don’t know if this is the great transformative Divine Love that we are learning to long for, but it feels like it is in the right direction. It has given me a feeling to focus on that started very brief, distant, and weak, but which has grown since then. To this, I have added seeking to feel God’s affection for me. That, too, is opening up, perhaps because these bring up so much grief in me to feel.
I would like to sow seeds as well, and with that desire, I had a feeling it would be helpful to meet more people, get to know them, see if there are ways I can serve, and have opportunities to reflect on and feel my errors and emotions that arise. I have a tendency to isolate myself, I think, just to avoid the painful emotions I often feel around others, particularly the condescension and rejection I get when I mention Jesus and Mary, a scenario that happens regularly, since they are such an integral part of answering the ubiquitous question of, “So, what brings you to Franklin?” I have met several musicians here (more on that in a minute), but I don’t interact with them very often and felt the desire to expand that circle. I asked a well-connected friend here if he knew of any particularly open minded churches. Yes, you read that right, I was asking about churches, not something I thought I would ever consider. But this is the land of churches, and I thought there might be other misfits like me who sought to connect in spiritual community yet without all the rigid false beliefs found in Christian churches. My friend suggested the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Franklin. I had never heard of a Unitarian Universalist church. I am learning that they consider themselves a liberal religion adhering to loving principles as highlighted on their website: https://www.uufranklin.org/wpz/our-beliefs/. The UU’s, as they are often called were one of the first churches to embrace the gay community, which sounded hopeful, but I was concerned that it may be too New Age-y, as many “Unity” type churches have been that I interacted with in the past. But I would check it out. I built up my courage, called their number and spoke to a lovely, gentle woman. Her humble demeanor encouraged me. I decided to attend a service. It took a bit of coaxing, both from myself (as it is so easy for me to just stay home and avoid people) and from what feels like my guides—that feeling that I have been getting a lot since moving here—that it would be good for me (and potentially for others too). So I went. I am glad I did. And I have kept attending, even to the point of being considered a member. I like the Franklin Fellowship’s covenant: “Love is the spirit of this fellowship and community is its goal. This is our great covenant, to dwell together in peace, to seek the truth in love, and to help one another.” There is quite a mix of beliefs here. I have met some New Age folks (who believe they are God), as well as Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, even one who studies Ancient Egyptian beliefs, and probably more, as I will discover. Fortunately, they seem genuine in their desire to be inclusive and open to any belief system based on the loving principles they support, and this desire seems evident in the effort they make to have varied love-based presentations. The diversity lends itself to some interesting discussions, which they make time for in the well-attended “coffee hour” and monthly potluck after each presentation. They have a “lay” led congregation, so facilitators and presenters vary as well as the content. I have to admit, I would love to be able to invite Jesus and Mary to do a presentation here someday, but I wouldn’t want to push something they don’t want or expose Jesus and Mary to pointless attack. Yet, I feel hopeful. The Franklin Fellowship seems to have many of the things Jesus and Mary love to see in a venue. They have a beautiful new sanctuary building that is circular and has a kitchen and social space below, all with comfortable seating, multiple restrooms, and seemingly high quality tech equipment, which they use to record their presentations to share on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/@UUFellowshipFranklinNC). Their programs include music and singing, including some live performances by guest musicians that have been really good. They don’t, however, put the live performances on the internet because of copy write laws and other things at the request of the musicians. Most of the presentations I have really enjoyed and felt were worthwhile. The spiritual messages are not to the standard of Divine truth, but they center on fundamental concepts of love which lend themselves to deeper conversations afterwards. I have met and am getting to know a wide variety of people. I am making a few new friends, learning more about other spiritual perspectives, and, since folks are curious about new attendees, I have had several opportunities to share about Jesus, Mary, and Divine Truth, since they are all so central to my life. Mentioning them always raises eyebrows, often accompanied by such projections as dismissal, condescension, and occasional anger, which is not surprising. I, too went through that. Who they are really is an extraordinary claim. Plus, I have errors about being heard and respected that are going to taint my interactions. But, there have been a few folks who have been curious enough to ask additional questions, which has lead to some sincere spiritual discussions.
I love when I get to demonstrate something about Divine Truth in a practical way. For example, after each service, we have time for socializing and, once a month, we have a potluck. I always bring vegan dishes, and many have expressed their enjoyment of them. I am the only total vegan, but now many folks are proudly bringing vegan food. So sweet of them. And it naturally brings up conversation and questions about being vegan.
Another example is that one of the members had a friend pass the week before, and before I knew this, I felt a distressed spirit when I was around her. When she later announced the death, my feelings made sense. This was the sweet woman who I had originally spoken to when I first contacted the church. I feel that she and I are becoming friends and have had some lovely truth-centered conversations, so I felt welcome to share with her what I had felt from her friend who had passed. I asked her if she would be willing to sit with him and me so I could talk to him and introduce him to the bright spirits, so he could learn some basics about the spirit world and the soul. She was very keen. We sat together in the sanctuary after everyone had gone down stairs for the social hour. I felt that it went really well. I am not a clear medium, but I am sensitive to the emotions of spirits. I could feel when the bright spirits came and connected with him. He was able to learn some truth and now had loving spirits he could continue learning from. My friend, too, learned and was affected by the experience. I felt so touched and honored to have been able to help in this way.
I love how God creates situations and opportunities for our mutual benefits. It seems like all I have to do is show up and do my best to feel my way to what feels loving, and something good comes from it. God knows what is in our hearts and what is going to help each of us grow. And even with our errors, something we do or say can benefit another. I am asking God to help me stay humble and have faith, so I can best serve God’s plan with the least interference from my errors as I keep working to clear them.
On to the next topic… music. The music scene in southern Appalachia is famous, and I have heard some really good music. I am glad that it is much more diverse and folk-based than what I encountered in Arizona, where the only choice seemed to be Rock or Country. In Franklin, there is also a strong tie to Scottish and Irish Heritage, which I appreciate because I enjoy the music. When I was getting my bearings here, I sought out places where I could listen to amateur musicians, where the atmosphere was relaxed and not centered in bars. The spot I found, called the FROG Quarters Café, was the hang out for folks who helped create the local greenway, a public walking and bicycling path along the Little Tennessee River, which runs through the county, sections of which I walk now just about every day before work. The folks at FROG Quarters are known as the Friends of the Greenway (aka FROGs) and many of them are musicians. One dear musician soul I met here made it her mission to introduce me to the lot of them. I now play weekly with a fella who lives nearby my house and plays a number of different instruments. We jam a bit haphazardly, improve style, I guess you could say, which can be quite fun. I am not nearly as focused on playing or performing as I was in Arizona. Getting to performance level on a whole set of songs takes a lot of work, and I have other things I prefer to spend my time doing.
That said, in December I was asked to play my tin whistle and bodhran (Celtic drum) in a Celtic Christmas Ceilidh (Ceilidh is the Gaelic word for a party). Despite the strong appreciation for Celtic heritage here, not many musicians in Franklin actually play the music. So, when the few that do play it heard I play the fiddle, whistle, and bodhran, they got excited, particularly about the whistle, since no one is currently playing it at performance level. I fretted about the decision of whether or not to participate. I really liked the tunes I would be playing, several of which were new to me but within my ability, but the overall event was centered on Christmas! I get stuck in my head about things that are not in alignment with Divine Truth. What is the right thing to do? And how do I really feel about committing to the amount of effort this would require? I let the director (who is a wonderful Celtic fiddle player) know that I did not want to do tunes that were religious and she was fine with that. There were plenty that were not. So, I went ahead and learned the new tunes and played well on all but one of them. I have to admit, I like what I was able to contributed to the program with the whistle and bodhran, and the audience really seemed to enjoy the music. The highlight for me was towards the end of the program, when we were playing some dance tunes and I was in my heart playing the bodhran and a lady got up and started dancing. The joy in the room was palpable. At that moment, I let go of my inner conflict about Christmas or performing well and just enjoyed myself. What a difference it made.
In addition to all these new things in my life, I am still working on the book about Divine Truth: The Truth – A beginner’s perspective of what could be the most important information a person will ever learn. I just recently completed chapters 6 and 7 and updated the download (always free) if anyone wants to check it out: www.ko-fi.com/jenniferbrownson/shop. I wonder sometimes if it will be a life-time project. I still have a number of key topics to cover, even for the basics, and I do tend to keep adding and re-writing, which is probably a good thing, since I think it is getting better. At some point, though, I hope the book will represent what we are learning of Divine Truth with enough accuracy and demonstration of love (as I work through emotional errors) to print and give to folks in book form. I would love to be able to simply hand it to folks instead of relying on the internet. The way things are going these days with insane leaders who love power and control, it may be a good idea to print some copies out sooner than later, even in its incomplete state.
Working on the book has been an ongoing exercise in feeling emotions. Sometimes I have been so shut down to feeling oppression-related emotions exacerbated by spirits wanting me to shut down that I haven’t looked at it for months. Then, as I feel through a layer of grief, the desire opens up again and I might read a portion of it and start to cry at how much love God has for us in this amazing system of education and growth in love and for Jesus and Mary being here to teach it and how much I want to help the teachings to spread in any way I can. To best do that, I will certainly keep aspiring towards humility, faith, truth, and God’s Love.
May God bless us all in our journeys and grace us with Her Love.
Till next time,
Love,
Jen
Learning To Live And Love God's Way 