I think this is a good time for an update on what has been going on for me in addition to what I shared in last month’s post.
In previous posts, I had mentioned my desire to create a band. I played with the same talented guitar player for a few years, and we did perform on occasion, but we couldn’t seem to find other people interested in playing folk, Celtic, and bluegrass music with us. I put plenty of effort into this desire but to no avail. I understand that God’s laws always support loving desires, so I must have unloving motivations stalling this desire. I am aware that I have injuries, and therefore demands, about feeling wanted, valued, belonging, appreciated, listened to, loved, and supported in being myself, so I can guess that they are getting in the way. Essentially, I was wanting to create a new family, a group of people who would satisfy all those longings. I haven’t given up on this desire for a band, but apparently I need to heal these emotions that come out as demands and block this desire from manifesting.
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One desire that seems to be progressing nicely is that of creating a food forest. I love working with nature to grow food, and I wanted to create a forest of abundance and diversity that would feed and shelter lots of different creatures in addition to people. Since I live in a food-scarce area of high desert, I started with water catchment systems and wood-chip mulch, which have been in place several years. I also knew I would have to build a sturdy fence to keep the hungry elk, deer, rabbits, and other desperate browsers out while I get this food forest established. The cost of the fence, which I had someone build for me last year, helped challenge my resolve to follow my desires despite fear of financial lack.
Once the fence was built, I planted a number of soil-enhancing trees and plants, shelter shrubs, bird-food berries, and pollinator friendly wildflowers along with an assortment of fruit and nut trees and seeds that will one day produce food for people too. I experimented with a variety of unusual plants and seeds, transplanting some that grew well in other locations and started others from cuttings of those successful plants. I learned a lot and experienced a lot of joy in the process. I get a thrill out of seeing which plants (many of which are edible) and wildflowers will thrive without help or additional water (other than rainwater captured by the swales), and then spreading those seeds. I also spent a fair bit of time removing the dreaded Russian thistle from both inside and outside the fenced area and which I will need to keep an eye on for a few more years. (I think it came in on the mulch.) Russian thistle, a non-native also known as tumble weed, is highly invasive because it tumbles across bare land, spreading its seeds everywhere.
Here are some current pictures. You can’t tell from the images but the entire thing is now planted with various baby plants, trees, and seeds. Trees are planted into the swales where they have the best chance of survival, and wildflowers and other plants are everywhere else. I will take some photos during the growing season next time. 🙂
Food forest February 2024, looking in from upper road
Swales in lower part of food forest collecting moisture.
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This last September, I finally had to face some issues with money. For years, thanks to the generosity of others and some litigation proceeds related to my dad’s exposure to asbestos in the work place, I have been able to get along without working a regular job. Now, unless I took action, I would be accumulating debt on my credit card. Fortunately, with some prompting, I received payment for some work I did in the past that the person had said I would be paid for. That helped alot. I was no longer desperate. But I figured it was probably good for me to get a job anyway. I got myself kind of psyched up about it, a way to serve and address the issue of not being fully responsible for my own income. I applied to a few jobs that interested me, one of which was with Walmart, thinking I would enjoy stocking shelves, which I really did enjoy when I part-owned a health food store years ago. But in my choice to apply with Walmart, I arrogantly figured I would have no trouble getting a job there. Naturally, God made sure my arrogance was confronted. They didn’t want me. I tried reapplying and adjusting my application to include additional positions, weekends, and all but one day of the week. They still didn’t want me. The whole process was somewhat fascinating as I observed the Law of Attraction and felt my emotions as they came up (rejection is an obvious one that I am still working on). One surprising response from the Law of Attraction was that, at the very minute I was completing my initial application for Walmart, I received a surprising and generous donation! Would God really reward me for applying for a job at Walmart even if they didn’t want me? How cool is that? I guess I just needed to be willing to be more self responsible, more humble to the possibility of having to change my schedule to work for pay. When months went by and I finally gave up on Walmart contacting me, I realized that I didn’t really have much desire to work there or the other place I applied, at least not with any degree of passion. I was applying because I thought I needed to. But it also got me thinking about other ways of being financially self-responsible.
As you know if you read my blog that I have a desire to write the book, The Truth—A beginner’s perspective on what could be the most important information a person could ever learn. I still have this desire and am still working on it, but I don’t want to do it for the sake of money. I want to give it away. I want to honor the loving form of gifting with anything I do, so giving my service away while still attracting an income is going to be a challenge no matter what I do.
I haven’t posted new chapters of the book (here in my blog) for quite some time because, instead of writing new chapters, I decided to go back to the beginning and re-write what I had already written. This is taking me a lot more time and effort than I expected, but that is ok. It is worth the effort. And I get to enjoy the process, with lots of opportunity to feel, receive guidance, and consider God’s Truth when I am writing it.
To support this book desire, even in its formative stages, I found a website where I could post the revised chapters as I update them and offer them as a free download. Here is the link to my page on that site: https://ko-fi.com/jenniferbrownson. There is a “shop” tab to the right of my picture where you can access the free download. I appreciate that this site allows me to offer the evolving download for free, costs me nothing, and allows readers to donate if they wish to. A free download of an unfinished book doesn’t exactly sound like a dependable income source, but this is actually where I received the donation mentioned above as well as other donations. Thank you donators!
While pondering other possible income sources (not really having faith in what God could do in this department), I considered going back to school to get my massage license so I could practice here in Arizona. But I had just missed the deadline for that program by a few weeks, so I couldn’t act on that idea until next year (Fall 2024). I couldn’t expect this to be a steady income source either, though, because I will be gifting my service at no charge while welcoming donations.
This all led me to thinking and praying to God about, What would I REALLY love to do if I could do anything in the whole world that I wanted to do?
I realize I really want to “work” for God. I feel the most joy when I am sharing Divine Truth with folks who are genuinely interested and in an intimate setting. This does happen on occasion, and I would love to do that more. When I had that thought, I felt a sense of encouragement. And then my doubts. But, God… I am still working my way out of the hells, how can that happen? Won’t I be a hypocrite? And similar such thoughts. I would have to learn to rely on God more than I currently do, especially if I am committed to doing everything for free. Would I still have all the money I need? To be of the best possible service in any area of interest, particularly when sharing God’s truth, my soul condition is the key. I will need to become much more in harmony with love.
Interestingly, since pondering these ideas (and crying a lot), things have started to feel more hopeful. While I am still a highly imperfect example of God’s Way, maybe there are people I can help if God would help me. OK, God, let’s give this a go. I will aim for what feels right and loving and trust God’s Law of Attraction to guide me (since I cannot currently discern God’s guidance directly). As I looked into how I would serve, I found out that I could not legally call myself a spiritual “counselor” without requisite training; I could, however, call myself a “coach.” I created a business card as Spiritual Coach—enjoying the creative part—and put a few on a local bulletin board, which felt scary but a step towards my desire.
The next thing that happened in this growing desire was the Law of Attraction event that I wrote about in the last blog post, Murderous Rage. After I had processed that particular tidal wave of rage, terror and grief, and caught up on my sleep, I felt fantastic! Something definitely released and shifted. I hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. I had so much desire come bubbling up that I immediately wanted to do more than wait for people to respond to a little business card. I wanted to do some talks about certain subjects of Divine Truth that I felt drawn to. I came up with several subjects and decided to do a series of talks, one per month for at least four months. I registered my first event with the sites, www.eventbrite.com and www.meetup.com and secured space at the Snowflake-Taylor Public Library Community Room.
The first talk, which I presented on January 12 to an audience of five, was The Spiritual Side of Healing. I have always been fascinated by the spiritual view of the body and healing. Caroline Myss, the author of Anatomy of the Spirit (1996), was one of my first heroes. I had fantasies of being able to do what she did for people, to decipher the mysteries of illness and pain and guide people to permanent healing by addressing spiritual causes. Perhaps some of those fantasies played a part in my becoming a massage therapist. But I didn’t (yet) have what she had, whatever that was, talent, sensitivity, spirit help, evolved soul condition, etc. What I found in my own body and in those of my massage clients was that, with massage alone, our body issues never really healed. They would get better for a while but that was all. Something was missing—until I learned about the truth Jesus and Mary are teaching.
[Update: I recorded my presentation for my personal reflection and, because some friends wanted to see it, I posted it here briefly but removed it because I had not asked permission from the people who came to the event.]
My second talk will be What Happens When We Die. I am excited about this one too. Through participation in a mediumship group (which I left last spring) and continued communication (as best I can) with spirits since then, I have gained more understanding of what Jesus and Mary have shared about spirits and how important this topic is for physical people and spirits alike. I hope folks will come. If just one person shows up, then I can share what I have learned, knowing that there will be spirits there, too, who will benefit.
Interestingly, since my issues with money, my ponderings about how I want to serve, and the event in December that pushed me to feel painful emotions, I have been feeling much happier. As a bonus, I have also received evidence that God cares about my monetary needs too without requiring me to work a job that doesn’t excite me. In December and January, I received two totally unexpected checks from asbestos litigations in my dad’s early work environment. He had died over ten years ago, and my mom, sister, and I figured the settlement was over with. The two recent checks I received are not for a lot of money (because they are shared with numerous recipients), but certainly helpful, and I find the timing interesting in relation to my growing desire to share Divine Truth and trust God. When funds seem to come out of the blue like that, I makes me wonder… what else is possible?
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Lastly, and on a very different note, I want to mention my recent experiences with humanure. This past summer, I decided I would start pooping in buckets and safely process my manure as Corny wrote about in his blog some time ago. My garden soil, though relatively adequate and productive from feeding it with alfalfa (lucern) bits and straw from the floor or the local feed store, seemed to need help to withstand the hotter and dryer summer that we had this year (and which will likely continue). For the first several months of collecting my poop, since it was summer, I set the bucket with a toilet seat in a nice spot out in the garden where I could do my thing without any concern for possible issues like smell, flies, or having to explain a strange bucket in my bathroom (i.e., avoiding emotions). As Corny’s article suggested, I emptied the full buckets in an old bathtub where I placed 1000 red wiggler worms to happily help with the transformation. But after some correspondence with Corny, I decided to change a few things and make it a permanent part of my homestead. I bought a proper snap-on bucket toilet seat and placed it in my bathroom with another bucket for the mulch topping. I have had no issues with smell or flies or embarrassing emotions (since I have yet to have any visitors since making this transition). I decided to expanded my composting worm system from the bathtub into a circular framework using straw bales as a border (chosen for insulation, ease, additional healthy habitat for the worms, and minimal cost) and a center circle of fencing filled with leaves. I then relocated my earlier summer “deposits” and the red worm residents. The idea with this circle is, after adequate time to compost (which I decided to be two years to be totally on the safe side), I will start harvesting the manure from the part of the circle where I started and continue harvesting around and around, only taking what has sat for 2 years. According to the Humanure Handbook, harvesting could begin much sooner and still be safe, but the two year wait wipes out even the most resistant pathogens. Here is the picture:
OK, well, I think that is enough update for now.
Until next time,
—Jennifer
Learning To Live And Love God's Way 